H for Heidi!

When Heidi 3.0 hit the streets early this year (or was it last year?) I contemplated giving you all my thoughts on her new face, ears, neck, eyebrows, arms, legs, hands, stomach, boobs, feet, ankles, tongue and other new plastic parts. But, really what was there to say. It's crazy. Even Spencer, King of the Underworld, didn't seem too impressed. She seriously looks like a plastic person. One that was melted and when it dried, it just didn't come out as expected. I hope they broke the mold. Personally, I did like Heidi 2.0 best. And, living in LA I can imagine she felt the pressure to be the blonde bombshell. But, Heidi 2.0 was a bombshell. Heidi 3.0 is a bomb, ready to explode if she gets too close to heat or high pressure. Let's home El Nino and/or La Nina don't cause severe heat this summer.

Before and after photo courtesy of Zap2It.

The craziest part, as if there could only be one crazy, is she is contemplating MORE plastic surgery. She doesn't feel finished. One might ask, what else could she possibly manipulate, mangle and reshape? The answer, my friends. Her breasts. She actually said she wants to be a size H for Heidi! How fabulous. That is clearly the best logic I've ever heard. We should all get breast sizes to match the letter of our name. What a GREAT idea! Now I know why she gets paid the big buck. (Sadly, she probably makes more money in one episode of The Hills than I do in a year.) The power of entertainment.

Well, recently, Heidi has fired her agent (the one and only Spencer Pratt) and hired her her psychic who she refers to as a "intuitive psychic, a healer." I wonder if he saw this coming and knew she was going to hire him? I'm sure since he's so intuitive, this was all foreseen in the Tarot cards of entertainment representation. He is apparently going to guide her life and career through life and love. (I just threw up in my mouth a little.) But, of course this makes sense because he can communicate with dead celebrities. Maybe Corey Haim is guiding the new psychic on behalf of Heidi. How great would that be?

But, maybe the healer extraordinaire know what's up. She is reported to be staring in a feature comedy alongside Jennifer Aniston, Nicole Kidman, and Adam Sandler. She's playing herself, although I'm not sure which self, so hopefully it won't be too much of a role stretch for her. As much as I hate to admit this, I will of course go see the movie, mainly because Heidi is in it. I'm such an entertainment idiot.

Heidi 2.0, managed my Spencer is out. Heidi 3.0, managed by the intuitive healer psychic is in. I can't wait to see the sequel.