I had intended to post my follow up last night after I had my fun procedures done, but I was drugged enough for a family of five so I was unable to do much except sleep and make an idiot of myself. Details to follow.
I arrived promptly at 9:30 am, no make up on per their request. Coupled with my be head (although it was clean) and my frowny face I must have looked like a super eager beaver. The first nurse (one of two that I remember) came to take me back and get me all ready. I asked her, had to be, no less than about 200 questions ranging from "Have you had this done?" to "Do you think I could die?" (Yes, I asked the nurse if I could die from a colonoscopy.) Finally after putting on my robe thing and forcing myself not to leave she finally got an IV hooked up in my hand. At this point, I'm obnoxious. I tell her that my hand hurts, could she move the IV, I'm not sure she took the needle out, I still feel normal, etc. She quickly passed me off to another nurse.
Enter nurse #2. I ask her to promise me she won't let me die because I can't imagine a worse way to go. She promises. I ask a bunch of other ridiculous questions and start talking nonsense just to make my nervousness go away. You know that "Hey, I bet you see some really crazy people in here?" conversation starters when really I know she's thinking, "Yeah crazy people like you lady." Dr. Upper Endoscopy (forgot his name) is going to do his part first. Five minutes they say. Then twenty for the colonoscopy and I'm done. They wheel me in his room and it's just me and the nurse. Before she gives me the drugs I say, "I mean you're going to wait till I'm out of it to do this stuff, right? Cause right now I know what's going on and I don't want to have this done right now." Again, she assures me I'm fine. I see the doc, he gives the green light to give me the "fall asleep" meds, which apparently have pain killers, amnesia producing agents, relaxants, fall asleep stuff and all this other junk to knock you on your ass. (HA! on my ass...no pun intended) I see her put the thing in my IV and remember saying, "Wow that does wo... (rk really fast is what I would have said had I not been out like a corpse.
What I remember after that is essentially non-existent until around 6 pm. I think I was really obnoxious. My mom said I refused any help. Typical. Was back talking people because I "knew" best. Again, typical. And, my favorite, set next steps with the doctor about 8 times. I needed to understand who was to call who, when this call would take place, what information we would have, etc. A good project manager, even knocked out. Nice. On the way home I proceeded to make a call. Lovely. I can only imagine how that one went over. I made it to the couch and was out. So much for my big lunch.
Apparently, I tried to Skype Leslie who is a doctor at work. She declined and started typing to me. This was my response: im home but SO out of it;gotha ''
That's not even edited for effect.
Finally had dinner and then watched The Biggest Loser before passing out again. And, those were the events of colonoscopy/endoscopy day.
The center called today to check on me. I asked the person to please thank the nurses who put up with me. God knows they earned their paycheck yesterday. I await my call from my doc tomorrow on the results, but we do know is my upper endoscopy was perfectly normal. My colonoscopy on the other hand pretty much showed I have some condition, he just doesn't know what. Let's hope it's something that requires me to eat a lot of ranch. That wouldn't be so bad.
For the next ten days I have to avoid all my favorite thing: wine, coffee and fat. So now, here I am, 4 pounds lighter, forced to eat fruits and veggies. This could be the worst part. (Ok, not really. Clearly drinking the salt water was worse.) But for any of those who are wondering, today, I can't tell anything was done. I feel perfectly fine. I don't know how that is possible but it is.
If anybody wants to see pictures of my upper or GI lower tract, let me know. That was my take home prize. I gotta say though, my upper GI is pretty hot. Best looking tract I've ever seen.
May none of you experience this for a long while. But if you have to, it could be worse. You could be the nurse having to put up with me while I am having it done.
When I had mine at 18, I did a bunch of fool things. The one my parents remind me of the most is that I was in recovery, and kept saying I had been violated and I just wanted my underwear. They said I asked anyone that came in if they would get my underwear for me. They said I asked about 100 times, even after I had them on.
ReplyDeleteWhen you called me, you were the one who wanted to get off the phone. It was the only time this has ever happened. I didn't know what to make of it.
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