Caught a Tiger by the tail

Tiger finally spoke on Friday, after months of hush-hushness and women coming out of the woodworks, the phone history, the Internet. Pretty much anywhere except the brothel (or at least as far as we know).

I don’t really care too much about Tiger Woods. Never have really. He’s a fantastic golfer and that can’t be disputed, but as far as his personal life, I’ve never had too much interest. I thought his kids were cute and looked like the perfect mixture between Tiger and Elin. And, even though I didn’t really care about his personal life (one of the few celebs I didn’t care about—I even like the b-level stars) I did enjoy watching his amazing golf shots from time to time.

But, when the news broke of his indiscretions, the battle at his house when Elin beat the crap out of his car with his golf club and the cover ups with all the various and sundry women, my interest was piqued. Tiger was now a class-A screw up and had more drama than All My Children on a good week.

After the women kept coming forward, I lost interest again. He left golf, his wife seemed she couldn’t care less about him and women were coming out of everywhere but Tiger had little to say. But, then, he broke his silence last Friday.

Of course he had to orchestrate the whole thing to hand pick who would be in attendance. Make sure he picked those people who would speak favorably over “his efforts” and hug him when the big talk was over. So, to an audience of his choosing, Tiger apologized publically for how much he hurt his family, fans and endorsement folks. After reading his paper what had to be word-for-word, he folded his cheat sheet, hugged the ones who support him and off he went.

Kudos to his PR firm for making him do it I guess (although I question why it wasn’t sooner?). It was a nicely prepared speech by some PR writer sitting in the confines either of a cubicle or a four-walled office. Tiger did a nice job of reading the words he was provided. But, the big thing that was missing, for me, was any sense of actual remorse. It was all so scripted. I do, however, believe Tiger is very sorry. Very sorry he got caught. Very sorry that his endorsers pulled fundage and he’s going to be missing a few big paychecks a year. I do think he’s genuinely sorry he hurt his mom, but what man wouldn’t want to spare his mom hurt? From the scripted words, lack of emotion and hand-picked audience where he shut out his adversaries, I think his efforts fall short. Way short.

Then you read quotes like “The sincerity of his remarks and the thoughtfulness in his message was very apparent,” said Begay, Tiger’s old college buddy. I agree the message was thoughtful and give major credit again to the PR writer behind the speech. But, seriously. Not for one moment do I believe Tiger wrote that. Begay also said he knows Tiger is trying to learn about the issues because he’s going to rehab. Tiger is going to rehab so he doesn’t look like a total loser and terrible role model so maybe one day he can rejoin golf and his sponsors will overflow again.

More realistically, yet polite, was PGA Commissioner who said he thought this was a good first step and that Tiger did a very good job of communicating the way he thought and what he thinks about where he is. Good step if you ever want to play golf again. I also love the carefully chosen words “the way he thought” and “what he thinks.” None of those say I believe what he said or that he thinks Tiger is actually sorry. It was pretty much the same as the apology, “I’m sorry you feel that way” instead of “I’m sorry I hurt you.”

So for me, the hand-picked public statement failed. But, hey, I’m just one person born and raised in the South thinking Greenville is pronounced Greenvulle. So what do I know.

I do know he’s an amazing golfer. That golf won’t be the same without him. And I hope Elin and the kids aren’t harassed for Tiger’s indiscretions. (The one thing I did agree with him on 100%.)

Until it comes out that Tiger is the biological father of the Octomom’s kids or that Tiger had an affair with Britney Spears, I’ve lost interest…again.