Funny is all relative

Friday night, Matthew was in NJ for work and I was here, me and the two cats. I decide, "Hey it would be so totally awesome if I went and got sushi for dinner, made cupcakes (I like to bake and I found this kickin' Key Lime Cupcake recipe) and watch that new Brittany Murphy flick I've been dying to see. Hi ho hi ho off to Harris Teeter I then go, list in hand.

Sushi...check. Cupcakes stuff...check. New People (not on the list)...check anyway. And plastic bags in hand I am sanding at the Red Box machine. But, there is no Brittany Murphy movie. There is, in fact, nothing I want to see. I sulk home.

The roommate Tommy says "Hey I've got Zomebieland." At this point, I'm thinking 1) I've seen all the Lifetime movies. 2) I didn't get my movie and 3) How bad could it possibly be? I guess I tell you about how I came to see this movie because I guess it is possible I was in the wrong frame of mind. Or, it's more possible that I just seriously hated it THAT much.

Looking at the cover and seeing Woody Harrelson staring back should have tipped me off. It didn't. The pemise. Zombies have overtake the world. But this is no scary movie mind you. It's a half baked, sarcastic comedy. To me, zombies should be scary cheesy, not funny. But I digress. Woody is a zombie slaying fool who hooks up with this random teenage kid with zero social skills. Off they go on the hunt for Twinkies because apparently Woody can't live without Twinkies. Oh and because they are running from zombies. Before Woody comes along, dorky kid almost gets eaten because he's trying to get in zombie girl's pants. I guess he thought any kind of booty was better than none. Believe me, this guy was clearly getting none.

The two then get carjaked and guns stolen from this goth teenage girl and her little sister. They meet back up, enter Bill Murray which is just really weird, the girls escape and almost get eaten by zombies until dorky kid saves the day, Woody gets a Twinkie and dork gets a kiss from dark, mysterious kinda "I'm a bag girl" girl. I think something else may have happened after that, but luckily Matthew called and saved me from poking my eyes out.

The movie did well with the critics. Grossed a lot of money. But, seriously, for me it might have been the worst movie I've ever seen. I mean Bill Murray hasn't even had a real acting gig since Groundhog Day and What About Bob, right? The least they could have done is get a true B level celeb. Bill Murray isn't even popular enough for Celebrity Fit Club or The Surreal Life.

Woody Harrelson. Seriously? What was I thinking? All I can think of when I think Woody is White Men Can't Jump with that little Rosie lady. And his hunt for Twinkie's?? What IS that? If zombie's are after me I'm going for something more like cheesecake or booze. Not a prepackaged, stale, yellow cake with some white cream type filling that has been in a box, on a shelf for 3 years. It wasn't even funny to me. It was just plain idiotic.

Dork boy had some comic relief. But even he was awful. The girls were pointless except to give some additional characters for dorky boy to follow. And how does that little girl go from My Sister's Keeper to Zombieland? Terrible. She'll never be the next Dakota Fanning now. (Not that anyone could of course because she is simply fabuously awesome.)

I have no doubt some people LOVE this movie like Woody loves Twinkies. But I'd rather eat all the stale Twinkies in the world than ever see this movie again. And I hate Twinkies.

I don't think I can pop this one at all. But again, critics loved it and so did fans. Cause like I said in the title, funny really is all relative.